What If I’m Scared of Getting Better? The Anxiety of Facing Anxiety

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “This just doesn’t feel like me”—even when you’re trying to make a positive change? Maybe you’ve started setting boundaries, saying kinder things to yourself, or trying not to spiral into worst-case scenarios. But instead of feeling empowered, it feels… awkward. Fake, even. Like wearing someone else’s shoes.

That’s totally normal. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re doing something right.

Changing the way we think can be one of the most powerful tools in improving our mental health. But it doesn’t always feel great at first. If anything, it can feel unsettling. That’s because our brains are wired to prefer the familiar—even when the familiar isn’t helpful.

Your Brain Likes the Known

Our brains are constantly working to conserve energy and keep us safe. One way they do this is by forming habits and thought loops. If you’ve been thinking something for a long time—“I always mess things up,” or “People are probably judging me”—your brain gets really good at going down that path automatically. It becomes a kind of mental shortcut.

So when you start to question those thoughts or challenge them with something more balanced—like “I’m doing my best” or “Most people aren’t thinking about me nearly as much as I fear”—your brain doesn’t instantly cheer and say “finally!” Instead, it often resists. It flags the new thought as unfamiliar, and unfamiliar can feel unsafe.

That’s why saying something kind to yourself might feel fake. Or choosing not to panic over a small mistake might feel like you’re being careless. Your brain is simply reacting to the fact that this is new territory.

Growth Feels Uncomfortable

Think of it like learning to drive a car on the opposite side of the road. You know the logic, and you know it’s safe if you follow the rules—but it still feels strange. You have to pay more attention. You feel out of your depth. And for a while, your instinct might still be to reach for the gear stick with the wrong hand or look the wrong way when pulling out.

It’s the same with thought patterns. The first few times you try a new way of thinking, it won’t feel natural. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means it’s unfamiliar.

Old Thoughts Can Feel “Truer”—But That Doesn’t Mean They Are

A lot of people struggle with this: “But my negative thoughts feel more believable.” Of course they do. You’ve practiced them. You've gathered “evidence” for them, often without meaning to. But a thought being believable doesn’t make it accurate. And a new, helpful thought feeling strange doesn’t make it untrue.

In fact, many of the most helpful changes in thinking—like learning to be self-compassionate, seeing anxiety as manageable, or questioning catastrophic thoughts—do feel odd at first. They interrupt a familiar rhythm. But that disruption is part of growth.

Leaning Into the Weirdness

Instead of expecting new thought patterns to feel good right away, what if we expected them to feel weird? What if we took that weirdness as a sign that we’re rewiring old habits? That we’re stepping into something different, something better?

It can help to name it when it happens. For example:

“This feels unnatural because I’ve never responded this way before.”

“It makes sense that this feels fake—I’ve spent years being hard on myself.”

“I’m building a new path, and that takes time.”

That little bit of reflection can reduce the “ick” factor and remind you that you're not doing it wrong—you’re just doing it new.

Keep Going

New thought patterns, like any habit, need repetition. They need practice. And yes, they need a bit of discomfort. But over time, what once felt strange starts to feel normal. And the old patterns that once seemed so true? They lose their grip.

Eventually, being kind to yourself won’t feel fake. Calming yourself down won’t feel forced. Facing a fear won’t feel impossible. You’ll be surprised one day to realise that the new path has become the familiar one.

So if you're in that middle space where you're trying to think differently and it just feels…off—don’t panic. You’re not broken. You're rewiring. And that’s a brave, powerful thing to do.