• Guest Author

How to deal with being physically separated from loved ones

Updated: Oct 7

Being physically away from loved ones is never easy. Unfortunately, recent global events

have meant that a lot of us are separated from the people we care about most in the world

– whether that be our friends, partners, elderly relatives, parents or children.

With terms such as “social distancing” and “lock-down” uncomfortably nestling themselves

into our everyday vocabulary, it is all too easy to feel the mental strain of not being in the

physical presence of those we love.

Though inevitably a very challenging time for many of us, there are a number of things that

you can do to help you cope mentally with this separation.

Stay connected

First and foremost, it is important to stay connected. This one may seem like a bit of a no-

brainer, but it is absolutely crucial to make an active effort to stay in touch with loved ones

regularly when you are physically separated.

Just like when you’re meeting your friends and family in person, keeping in contact over

distances works best with good planning – making a specific time to talk to a loved one in

the day or week can help prioritise staying connected, which can, in turn, help ease anxious feelings associated with separation. Read our post on managing isolation anxiety.

Planning activities to do together can be fun too – with your friend that you would usually

go to the cinema with, there’s always time for Netflix Party or a film trivia quiz. Like baking

with your mum? Find a recipe you can both try out in your own kitchens and compare the

results. Would usually have dinner with a friend? Rustle up a meal (or call in a takeaway)

and have a chat with them over video call.

Quality catch-ups like these over video call can also be supplemented by sending smaller,

more light-hearted messages throughout the day. Sending jokes, quotes, pictures or articles

that you know your friend/mum/boyfriend etc. will like will help you stay connected

between longer calls. It can also be really reassuring to see a quick notification from a friend

flash up on your phone screen, and your messages will inevitably reassure them too.

Make sure you are also emotionally open with those who understand you best, even if this

is over video call. If you are feeling it is all getting too much, be vocal about it – talking about

these feelings with loved ones will help you be able to better process your thoughts. Also

make sure you are supportive in return – it is a difficult time for everyone and it is vital that

we are all actively looking out for one another.

Take care of your own mental health

It is easy to let yourself drown in bad thought patterns when you are feeling lonely or

separated from the people who know you best. It is therefore essential that taking care of

your own mental health is one of your top priorities.

Keeping a routine is important – even if you are not working at the moment, it is mentally

nourishing to keep busy, productive and doing the things you love. This will help you cope

better in the long run.

Simple actions like making a “To-Do” list for the next day can be extremely beneficial –

when you’re feeling down and having thoughts about how hard it is to be away from

people, look at your list and immerse yourself in one of the tasks.

Things on the lists don’t all have to be boring like “clean the bathroom”. Mix it up by adding

items like “find a new podcast to listen to” or “watch a dance tutorial”. If you want to learn

a new hobby at this time, you could ask your loved ones if they’d like to learn with you – it’s

always possible to support each other’s progress, even from afar.

Keep exercising and your diet healthy too – both of these are inextricably linked with mental

health, and, even if it’s just turning on your favourite music and dancing alone in your

bedroom – it is important to keep moving. You can also include your loved ones in this –

maybe you both want to take up running and can encourage and support one another.

There is always a way to be creative and include loved ones in your wellbeing, no matter

how far the distance.

Make plans for the future

It can be easy to see and focus on the negative in any situation. Yes, it is terrible that you

can’t go to the pub with your friend, hug your grandmother or have dinner with your

partner. But, as with any life circumstance, altering your perspective on a situation can

significantly change the way you react to it and consequently the way you feel about it.

Instead of focusing on the negative – the fact you are physically separated from a loved one

– try and think of what you’re grateful for instead. I’m sure that, in many ways, you are

extremely grateful you have such brilliant and amazing people in your life to miss so much.

Also try to focus your mental energy thinking about the favourite things about a person

you’re missing, the memories you’ve shared with a loved one and your hopes for the future

with them, opposed to solely focusing on how much you miss them.

You could even actively make a list with a loved one about what you are going to do when

you see each other again. These don’t have to be big things – right now probably isn’t the

time to be planning your trip of a lifetime to Patagonia. They can be small too; giving each

other a big hug, having a home spa day together, going for a day trip somewhere, having a

kick about with a football or even just lazing about for a day eating pizza and watching your

favourite movie together.

Make plans for the future with them. It will help you to remember that this time will pass,

and that you will soon be by their side again.

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