What’s the Link Between Phobias and Control?

If you’ve ever experienced a phobia, you’ll know it’s not just about fear — it can feel like your body takes over, your thoughts spiral, and you lose your sense of control. Whether it’s a fear of flying, spiders, vomiting, or public speaking, many phobias are rooted in the same uncomfortable feeling: not being in control.

But why is that? And how does the need for control fuel our fears?

The Illusion of Control

We all like to believe we’re in charge of our lives. We plan, we prepare, we organize — and when things go according to plan, it reinforces a sense of safety. But life isn’t always predictable. And when we’re faced with something uncertain, uncontrollable, or unfamiliar, anxiety often rises.

Phobias often latch onto situations where we can’t easily escape or influence the outcome. Take a fear of flying: you’re strapped in, high in the sky, relying entirely on a pilot you’ve never met. Or think of emetophobia, the fear of vomiting — a deeply visceral experience you can’t just “will” to stop once it starts.

In these cases, the fear isn’t only about the situation itself — it’s about what it represents: the loss of control.

A Coping Mechanism That Backfires

Trying to regain control can feel like the only solution. People with phobias often avoid situations that trigger their fear. It makes sense in the short term — avoiding spiders means you won’t feel scared. But over time, this avoidance can shrink your world. You might stop travelling, avoid crowded places, or even stay home altogether.

Ironically, the more we avoid, the more powerless we feel. And the more powerless we feel, the stronger the phobia becomes.

Avoidance can also create rituals — behaviours designed to help us feel safe, like checking for exits, needing to sit near a window, or carrying ‘just-in-case’ items. While these can feel like a form of control, they actually reinforce the belief that we’re not safe without them.

Why Uncertainty Feels So Threatening

Phobias aren’t just about fear — they’re also about what your brain does when it can’t predict what’s going to happen next. When you feel unsure about a situation, especially one that feels threatening, your brain kicks into high gear to reduce that uncertainty as quickly as possible.

This state is called hypervigilance — a kind of mental overdrive where your attention narrows, your senses sharpen, and your body prepares for danger. Three brain processes come into play: attention, learning, and habituation [1]. Your brain starts scanning for clues, trying to learn what’s safe and what’s not, and searching for a way to settle back into predictability. But when a situation keeps feeling unfamiliar or out of your control, that calming “settling” doesn’t happen.

This constant scanning takes energy — literally. Your brain is using extra cerebral resources to try to resolve uncertainty, and that’s physically and mentally draining. That’s why phobias can feel exhausting as well as terrifying: your system is stuck in a loop of trying to predict, control, and avoid something it sees as unresolved.

Reclaiming a Sense of Control

The good news? Control can be rebuilt. But not in the way you might expect. It doesn’t come from avoiding fear — it comes from facing it in small, manageable ways.

That’s the foundation of exposure therapy. When someone gradually faces what they fear in a safe, structured way, they start to learn that the situation isn’t as dangerous as their brain once believed. And more importantly, they realise they can cope — even when things feel uncomfortable or unpredictable.

Here at oVRcome, we use virtual reality to support this process. VR allows people to face phobic situations — like boarding a plane, standing on a high balcony, or giving a speech — while remaining in control of the pace and intensity. It’s a powerful way to rebuild confidence and reduce the need to avoid.

Learning to Tolerate Discomfort

At the heart of overcoming a phobia isn’t just eliminating fear — it’s learning to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort. That’s a tough skill, especially if you’ve spent years avoiding or over-preparing. But it’s also freeing.

Because once you realise you don’t need to control everything to be okay, life opens up again.

You can book the flight. You can go to the event. You can let the fear come — and let it pass.

Final Thoughts

Phobias are more than just irrational fears — they’re often deeply tied to a need for control. And while that need is human and understandable, it can end up trapping us in cycles of avoidance and fear. The path forward isn’t about perfect control, but about building trust in yourself to handle whatever comes.

You’re not alone in this — and with the right support, it is absolutely possible to move from fear to freedom.

References

[1] Peters, A., McEwen, B. S., & Friston, K. (2017). Uncertainty and stress: Why it causes diseases and how it is mastered by the brain. Progress in neurobiology, 156, 164-188.