Is My Child Just Afraid — Or Is It a Phobia?

Most children go through phases of being scared. Afraid of the dark, worried about monsters, nervous before the first day of school — it’s all part of growing up. But what happens when those fears seem to take over? How do you know when it’s just a passing stage, and when it’s something more serious, like a phobia?

Why Kids Get Scared

Fear is a normal, protective emotion. It helps us stay safe by warning us of danger. In children, fears often reflect their developmental stage — younger kids might be scared of loud noises or separation from a parent, while older ones might worry about social acceptance or school performance.

In most cases, these fears pass with time, reassurance, and experience.

But for some children, fear lingers. It might grow more intense, start interfering with their daily lives, or appear out of proportion to the situation. That’s when it might cross into phobia territory.

How Fear Works in the Brain

Behind the scenes, your child’s brain is doing a lot of learning — including how to recognise danger. This is known as fear conditioning [1]. It’s the process where the brain learns to associate something neutral (like a dog or a loud noise) with something scary, and starts reacting as if that thing is dangerous on its own.

Fear learning develops over time. More complex forms of learning, like telling the difference between real danger and a false alarm (called fear discrimination), keep developing into adolescence and adulthood. If these don’t develop properly, it can increase the risk of anxiety disorders sticking around.

What Is a Phobia, Exactly?

A phobia is an intense, persistent fear of a specific object, situation, or experience — like dogs, needles, or heights. It leads to avoidance, distress, and can even cause physical symptoms like nausea or a racing heart.

What sets a phobia apart from a typical fear is how much it disrupts life. If a child is terrified of dogs to the point they won’t go to the park, or they panic at the thought of a vaccination — even weeks beforehand — it may be more than a passing worry.

What does a normal fear response look like?

Fear can be a healthy and helpful reaction — it’s your child’s way of showing they’ve noticed something that feels uncertain or overwhelming. A child who hides behind your legs at the sight of a dog or refuses to go into a dark room is doing exactly what their brain has evolved to do: keep them safe.

You might see physical signs like:

• Wide eyes

• A faster heartbeat

• Clinging to you

• Crying

• Wanting to leave the situation quickly

These reactions, while hard to watch at times, are normal. What matters more is how often they happen, how intense they are, and whether they stop your child from doing things they’d otherwise enjoy or need to do. If fears seem to grow bigger over time, or if your child starts avoiding everyday things like school, social situations, or outings, it might be worth looking into further support.

When to Pay Closer Attention

So, how do you know if your child’s fear needs professional support? A good question to ask is: “Is this fear getting in the way of daily life?”

Here are some signs that a fear might have crossed the line into a phobia:

• The fear lasts for more than six months

• The reaction is out of proportion to the actual danger

• Your child avoids certain places, activities, or people because of it

• Their distress is immediate and intense

• The fear impacts daily routines or family life

• They worry about the feared thing even when it’s not around

It’s also worth noting that some children might not show big outward reactions, but still experience a lot of inner distress — such as frequent stomachaches, difficulty sleeping, or constant worry about something specific. If it’s causing frequent meltdowns, avoiding normal activities, disrupting sleep, or leading to intense anxiety well before the feared event, it’s worth checking in with a professional. 

Fears that persist into early adolescence — especially if they’re not managed well — can increase the risk of developing anxiety disorders later on. Research shows that the transition from childhood to early adolescence is a high-risk period for the development of anxiety and mood disorders [2].

In other words, intervening early doesn’t just help your child feel better now — it can make a real difference to their mental health down the track.

What You Can Do

If you’re worried your child’s fear might be more than just a phase, you don’t need to jump straight to therapy — but keeping an eye on how much the fear is interfering is a great first step.

You can also:

• Talk openly and calmly about fears, without dismissing them.

• Help your child gradually face what they’re afraid of, in small steps.

• Avoid reinforcing avoidance — even though it’s tempting, it can strengthen the fear over time.

• Seek support from a mental health professional if fears are intense, long-lasting, or causing distress.

  
  

Wrapping Up

At oVRcome, we work with children and young people who are managing specific fears and phobias. Our virtual reality exposure programs are designed to help children face their fears in a safe and supported way — with gradual, step-by-step guidance.

The earlier we support children in facing and understanding their fears, the more likely they are to grow into teens and adults who can navigate challenges with resilience.

References

[1] [2] Büchel, C., & Dolan, R. J. (2000). Classical fear conditioning in functional neuroimaging. Current opinion in neurobiology, 10(2), 219-223.

[2] Glenn, C. R., Klein, D. N., Lissek, S., Britton, J. C., Pine, D. S., & Hajcak, G. (2012). The development of fear learning and generalization in 8–13 year‐olds. Developmental psychobiology, 54(7), 675-684.